Have not been on in a long time (well, before last night anyway) but my teammate Kati invited me to read her blog, and when I couldn't remember my sign in information, I kinda panicked (god good that spelling looks dumb) and was afraid I had lost ANOTHER blog (my Castle Thompson blog, with 2 or 3 years of posts seems to have expired) And maybe I don't need to be here at all...blogging was kind of a panacea for me...when I was lonely, sad, needed a friend who I could dump my soul onto for sorting out, my blog was there. But now, I realize a few things...1- you are not supposed to dump your soul on to anyone--best keep that shit inside m'kay? 2-people are mean (more on this in another post--really, literally, until last year I honestly believed all people had good hearts, and all people wanted to be happy--I was so wrong. So very heart crushingly wrong. But I have come out stronger for learning it. Jaded, bitter, less willing to be kind, and no longer trusting of ANYONE...but stronger) 3- (wait...what am I talking about???.... ... ...) OH! Yes... 3- I have friends, Joe is better at understanding I need someone to talk with, I have a new love that isn't a person (people are SO overrated) and really, even with all the stupid shit in my life right now (oh there are buckets and buckets full) I'm feeling pretty good. But I do miss the daily recordings. I miss the pinning down of my life--with a Grandmother with Alzheimer's I feel like if I don't write things down, they might just be lost. And while it's pretty arrogant to think that my days are worth preserving, it still makes me sad to let them blow away like smoke.
So, okay...back to my blog then. :) It's kind of nice--like catching up with an old friend.
Monica