There are some things I do well, and some I wish I could do well.
1. Clean my house and keep it that way.
I know some people have clean houses all the time...I've been to their houses. Mine is not like that. Do those people spend all their free time cleaning? Unless I really concentrate on it and spend a lot of time and effort thinking about it, I won't notice I need to pick up until the place looks like it's been ransacked, and there isn't a clean dish or sock in the house. Not exactly how I want to live.
2. Dance.
I love to dance. I do it when I'm happy. Whenever I hear music (mighty fine muuusic) I start to wiggle and I can't help myself. Unfortunately my friends and family hide and pretend they don't know me.
3. Sing.
Same as above. I have been told I should never sing or dance in public. Is this even something you can be taught? Sigh.
4. Swallow.
Yeah...I know, not like the ones above...errrrrt..slam on the brakes. Anyway, I want to, I've tried, but I swear it's like poison. As soon as the pre-come starts leaking out, I start to gag,and can't even continue. And we've tried all the pineapple/chocolate/no-beer/chamomile tea/lotsa water things....nothing seems to do the trick. I'm bummed out. 'Cause I really want to. Honestly.
5. Wear makeup.
I can't leave the house (or even bathroom sometimes) with makeup on. Deep lipstick colors look fan-fucking-tastic on me, but they make me very self-conscious---well, not exactly...but lip-conscious. And I have no idea how to apply eye makeup so that I don't look like a freak. And the eyeliner and mascara starts to un almost immediately, so I end up looking like a raccoon-eyed freak. Pretty.
6. Curl my hair.
I have a native american great grandmother. I got her nose (softened a bit) her cheekbones (also subdued) and her hair...except instead of having thick coarse straight raven locks, I have thin fine straight raven hair (notice--not locks) I got a perm in Jr High and got a new name...Monica Fro..(because my maiden name was Fromm, and my poor hair frizzled out into an horrific afro that took years to grow out) I have purchased and tried every curling implement known to man, and only once in my life have I had the "big" hair I wanted....and I almost got a cute Italian waiter as a prize. I have tried steam, spray, mousse, gel...everything...and all I get for my effort is thin fine straight DIRTY hair. Grrrrr.
I need help (obviously...but you knew that before you read this post) And anyway I know ya'll stopped reading after #4,
So....
Any advice for giving better head?
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6 comments:
sorry, i didn't really understand your comment on Leesa's blog.
as for number 4, one of the hottest lovers i ever had can't swallow. yes it's sexy, but it's also overrated. as long as you really enjoy giving oral, where the cum goes isn't important. one of the hottest blowjobs ever ended with the cum hitting the wall behind my head, if you know what i mean. ;) hope this helps. email me for other suggestions... ;)
EEEEEK! I do not do make up well, I crop my hair every spring, I can not carry a note to save my life and while everything is put away, my house always has a bit of dust. LORD I do love to Dance though!!!
think I will leave #4 as the better part of discretion *L*
Okay, here is the list of things you don't do well:
1. Clean my house and keep it that way.
2. Dance.
3. Sing.
4. Swallow.
5. Wear makeup.
6. Curl my hair.
As you know, I am an expert on #1, so I will give you advice on keeping a clean house. Of course, I have no children, so will my answer be less relavant. Oh, did you think I was going to touch #4?
Ha!
JD- it was about your comment about reading blogs that make no sense and just go on and on...it was funny- laugh dammit!
Yeah, my husband says I'm very good, and he has to think about golf alot (the last time, I asked him at what point golf became sexy...he didn't last long after that lol)
Mallory- Sorry I scared you!
How I wish dust was my only issue. I'm trying though (but really, are you supposed to have to THINK about it that much?
Leesa- no, I wanted your advice on housekeeping...why would you assume that I would assume that you would (touch--hee hee) comment on #4? What I really want to know is ...where did you get those sunglasses? I've been hunting for a pair like them for ages...I used to wear similar ones, but like most opposite-of-OCD types I kept loosing them. And now they don't sell that style at the shop anymore.
^^ laughing. sorry, i'm a bit slow at times. :) and i think about baseball, but golf is good too. ;)
Thanks for laughing JD- I like it when people respond to my commands
Muah ha ha hah ha!
I'll have to let him know to try baseball next time.
:)
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